My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
