Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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