Pants 0. Shit 1.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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