What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
