Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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