Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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