Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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