Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
