Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
