I want to have your abortion
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need water and some morals
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
