i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
