I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
