when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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