those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
