Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
