youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im holly from the hills drunk
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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