Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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