but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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