just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drake has all the answers
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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