what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
