You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i think i just lost a toe
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
