So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
