In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
