It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
