HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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