This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
