but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
