He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
