so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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