my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
