Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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