I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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