Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
