I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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