forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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