I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
