just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
