now i know why i became what i already was.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
