I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
