Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
