Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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