I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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