question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
