i just wanna soil my oats bro
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
