I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
