I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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