You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
