Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
