wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
