is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
