WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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