I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
