My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
