Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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