I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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