Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
