Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
