she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
