I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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