So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My vagina just recognized that song.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
